How to Deal

So here I am.  It’s almost August, and I haven’t written anything in months.  Oh, to be consistent! 

Looking over my previous posts, I pause to note that I don’t consider myself depressed anymore.  Do I still struggle with sheer hopelessness?  Yeah, on occasion.  Do I still procrastinate?  Of course.  Do I still spend most of my day stuck indoors?  Yeah.

But along the way, things have changed. 

I completed summer school.  I took three classes: I dropped one, recieved an incomplete for the other, and recieved an A in the third.  That’s definitely progress, considering its been almost a year since I attended class three days in a row.  I felt such accomplishment the first time I went to class two days in a row.  It was definitely a turning point.  I could finally be proud of something I had done recently.

Of course, I should never stop thanking You for this victory. 

And although I still struggle for consistency with You, I am in a different place than I was a few months ago.  I can remember what it feels like to walk with You.  I can remember all the great things You’ve done for me.  And in remembering all these things, I can feel the emotion attached to them now.  I feel things like joy and yearning, peace and confidence; such a far cry from the tearless sorrow I felt months ago.  Speaking of tearless, my former state of crying at the drop of a hat hasn’t returned, but perhaps I may never return there.

But I feel joy - joy when I’ve been with You.

Oh, continue to restore me.  Push me to greater depth and consistency with You.

I will trust You, no matter what.