It plagues me.
And I let it.
Because it is pleasurable – for a moment.
And when that moment passes, it becomes shame, guilt, denial, apathy.
I am fleshly.
Forgive me.
So it’s been almost one week since we last spoke. It doesn’t really seem that long; sometimes it seems longer. I didn’t really mean to forget you. And I did remember.
But I remembered at the most inconvenient times. Then later I forgot, or pushed our conversation to the back burner.
You are not the back burner. You belong at the very forefront of everything I do and say, of every thought.
I don’t know how to achieve this.
Except through prayer, which seems to be the problem in the first place.
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The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Thou art the God of the early mornings, the God of the late at nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea; but my God, my soul has further horizons than the early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature – Thou who art the God of all these, be my God, I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot trace, dreams I cannot get at – my God, search me out.
